Yehhhhh... Not-good stuff. VItamin A isn't great. Vitamin D is worse. Calcification in soft tissues, decalcification in bony tissues, renal damage, heart damage, bone pain, muscle pain... I'm trying to stop. I sound like a freaking addict here! It's just a habit or some other weird thing. I hate pica, I hate every weird thing about me. I hate the smell of handsoap. I hate looking at my bones. I hate my scale. I hate that my parents have to pay insurance for stupid doctors' appointments for a fucking eating disorder. That's not even a real illness. And any illness I get is probably linked to that, anyway. I'm just wasting all their money. If I never got this disorder, I'd probably be healthy and fine. I really don't like myself.
i'm glad you're aware! i think that being open to information has helped me to cope... for what that's worth. what i see when i look at you is strong motivation and someone who provides for her family. i think you work very hard to do things in the way that they know how, to maintain stability. the line of thinking in the last part, though, is upsetting and invalidating in the way that it increases your anxiety, and i think it would be fair to close the door on it for now.
What a great article, and an interesting field of study."'Muslim and Swahili spirits are not exorcised in the Christian sense of casting out demons,' McGruder determined. 'Rather they are coaxed with food and goods, feted with song and dance. They are placated, settled, reduced in malfeasance.' McGruder saw this approach in many small acts of kindness."There's something to that bit. I've often thought that I'd have a better relationship with myself if I could understand myself as a person with a particular temperament and variety of moods as opposed to someone the same as everyone else, but broken.
i'm really interested in stronger and more integrated senses of self. i've been reading a book, schizophrenia: the positive perspective, by peter chadwick, himself someone who has had a schizoaffective psychosis. he does these profiles of men who have learned to live with the intrusions of their illness, and they seem to have a deep sense of what it is to be. that sounds totally weird and is not something i'd have appreciated a couple years ago. i'm on board now for positive agency and i do believe that ordinary people can develop important kinds of insight for living.
Thank you for your comment.
Post a Comment