14 January 2010

note to self:

disjunctivism, emergence, consciousness: a very short introduction and philosophy of mind.


Mad Bird said...

You know, I will seriously think of that. That might actually make me feel a little better - wearing some crazy socks... Ha ha! :)

I hate pap-smears. HATE. My first one I wasn't expecting. I was for a "well-woman" visit at my old doctor (I love my new doctor, he'd never pull one like that on me), which apparently means pap-smears for all! Even if you're a virgin, which I am! What's up with that? I thought the rule of thumb was, not until sexually active, or if you have some worrisome symptoms and the OB-GYN really needs to take a look at your business.


Because she said it was the smallest one, and if that's true, and THAT hurt, then sex is soooo out of the question. I can be a virgin for all my life, I am fine with that!

Not a good experience. Fun socks would have made it a lot less scary. Also, maybe being warned? I had no idea it was coming! "Now? Like, today? Like, now? Seriously?" I would have said something or spoke up if I wasn't so shocked that I was literally dumbfounded. But I was so surprised I couldn't even think of any words, so I never protested! I wish I did, I wish I had found my voice a little faster...

Sadly, I wonder if that's how a lot of rapes/incest happens. Because children are surprised and don't understand and are so shocked that they are dumbfounded. So they don't protest like they might normally if they had seen it coming, and so just go along in a daze. I did, and it was just a damn pap-smear.


wrenna said...

if i ever see said doctor i'll kill him for you.

thesundaygap said...

totally sucks that you were unprepared, and sorry to leap on your conversation, wrenna.

Two things for Mad Bird to keep in mind, though:

1. it's never too early to get checked for cervical cancer. Although HPV (an STI) has been linked to cervical cancer, we still don't know the cause of cancer - you can have cancer just because you do. Get checked as often as your doctor thinks is best. If you don't trust your doctor because they are a creep or don't take the time to listen to you, find another. You should have a doctor you trust, so that when they tell you it's time to prod around in your business to make sure you're alright your mind doesn't turn to sexual abuse.

2. vaginal exams are uncomfortable at best and painful for most, virgin or not. Many a feminist stand-up routine is based on how totally fucking unpleasant that particular sensation is, and many of those very same women thoroughly enjoy sex that involves vaginal intercourse in some form or another.

All this to say: You're not alone, You're not weird or broken. What your doctor lacks in bedside manner she may make up for in thoroughness and genuine concern for your physical well-being.

Rant for the day is done, mad bird. Take care of yourself!

Mad Bird said...


Thank you.

wrenna said...

thanks sunday.

my mom was one of those people that just got cervical cancer, around age 21 or 22... and her dad's mom had uterine cancer at a young age.

Mad Bird said...

@Wrenna - Your comment had me busting a gut! Thank you for your pledge... :)

@Sunday - I see. And I did find another, and I like my new one so much better. I just wasn't liking the situation previously. She was a bit absent-minded and forgetful, even though she was sweet as can be. I liked her as a person, yes, but as a doctor, no way. And okay, that makes me feel better that it's more common to hurt. I was told it should NOT have hurt when my mom found out (she was PISSED that I got a pap-smear without being forewarned, I was still just shocked.

wrenna said...

i lack pretty much any sense of humour about these things.

Mad Bird said...

Wrenna, wrenna! I meant your comment on MY blog, not the one on yours! I'm so sorry I was unclear.

God, I KNOW those things are NOT funny.

I am so sorry. I did not mean for the misunderstanding.

Mad Bird said...

The comment I was referring to was your pledge to kill the doctor if you ever saw him - that was what had me laughing...

Mad Bird said...

And your comment about men & condoms. On my blog.

Mad Bird said...

I feel awful. I'm a terrible miscommunicator.

Face-to-face, and electronically as well.

It happens SOOOOO often that I mean one thing in my head, and the other person understands it completely wrong and differently than I meant it to come across. I just don't realize that how it seems in my head, and even out of my head is NOT how it seems to the other person. Or else I don't make myself clear. Or I am in such a rush to say something, that it comes out so horribly wrong as to sound inappropriate, rude, and disrespectful.

I have hurt so many people, offended so many people, got into so many fights. I just have to keep coming back, apologizing, asking for forgiveness, and trying to explain my idiocy & ineptitude in communicating from my brain to another brain. I wish God would strike me mute, because then I could stop screwing everything up!

wrenna said...

you have nothing at all to feel awful about!

you have screwed nothing up!

i think it's a good thing that you talk a lot, you have a lot to say!

i cannot put in enough exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!

it is important that you speak up and take good care of yourself.

the fact that i lack much of a sense of humour about this is my issue, how my insecurity shows, and has nothing to do with you. i'm happy for you to have a good sense of humour when that's how you like it.

don't feel bad at all, and don't feel bad when people don't get you. when you care that other people understand, it's a gift that you give to them.

i am super happy when you talk lots!

Mad Bird said...

Wrenna, thank you.

That means a lot to me, because communication/social cues are, on this end, my insecurities.