there is a boy i was thinking about asking out for a drink. he set me up to ask the question. he's a drinker and somewhat angry, although i hope the two don't really combine. i don't want to make him nice and his kind of social game is not particularly fun or exciting for me. he's smarter than me, academically my brain isn't working, and as much fun as it is to listen to someone be smart i don't want to be yet another person's grad school cheerleader. in my experience doing so is not a gift that gives much back, either. so i guess what i'm saying is i don't think he wants to be friends and this is an opportunity i don't really want, although i think we could be friendly and don't know anyone else who will go to a whiskey bar with me and there are a lot of i don't knows i'm making here. and what if i've only seen his annoying habits?
my sense of self now feels vaguely eroded. i think the bottom line is, i need to keep meeting new people.
13 hours ago