14 February 2010

i just e-mailed my sister who has been going to the hospital all week for antibiotic treatment to tell her how to get in touch with me if she ever wants. i said sorry multiple times although she never tried to contact me. this is the way i passive-aggressively attack her for mutilating herself when she was a teenager and then spending months screaming out her anger at me after her secret was found out. she rejected me then and she still does now. i've yet to become telepathic.

4 comments:

Mad Bird said...

That must have been, and still be, terribly hard.

I'm sorry.

By the way, I LOVE the tea. :)
Just thought I'd throw that out...

wrenna said...

it is hard. i feel sympathetic to how difficult her emotions are. i try to be nice and supportive and she gets uptight and "polite." she's agressive, and passive-agressive, and not really nice to me at all. she's basicly hostile about ignoring me, and there's nothing i can do. then i get angry.

i am so glad you like the tea! thanks for sending some cheer my way.

Mad Bird said...

I don't see how anyone could avoid feeling angry/hurt/etc.

That really must hurt. It hurts me when my teenage sister snaps and says something hurtful even though I know she's temporarily insane due to adolescence, and that she's only trying to give me grief because she's not happy when I tell her she can't use my phone until she completes the last bit of her chores... Sisters.

And I know what you mean about Mal. No baby (no kid at all, or no person) should have to go through all she's been through in the entire 3 years of her life! I wish so much I could go in her place. Yet it amazes me how HAPPY that baby is! I know I wouldn't be in her place. She's just so full of joy and love and face-splitting grins, and it makes no sense! God, I love her so much. What a blessing, what a gift she is to our family. I don't understand how the ultrasound doctor who first noticed her problems in utero advised my mom to an abortion? How could we have ever just gotten rid of such a precious and valuable being? No one else in the world is so consistently and unconditionally glad to see me, every time and no matter what. Such a loving thing she is, and she's only THREE! What a joy... I HATE that she's sick and hurting and uncomfortable. I want my baby back home, to hold her and rub her back (which for some reason she can't get enough of), and just keep her with me and protect her from everything bad, though I know I can never do so.

*sigh*

wrenna said...

i am so glad that you two get to celebrate just being alive together. that's pretty cool.