09 May 2010

depression is, i read, common when psychosis goes away. psychosis is not the friend you want but it is reliably there and it had been possible for me to make my life about ministering to it and keeping it cared for. but. instead now my life can be about chasing ideas and writing them down, and staying healthy in a general sense in order to keep that going on.

the library was closed this weekend so today i stood in a bookstore explaining to a cashier who commented on my book looking "deep" how it was like a collage and i was following up on a note in another book. not so much depth as a tangle and a hunt. no ultimate realities. "so you're really into it," she said.

my memory is still not great so i write copious notes but the hunt was worth it, it makes much more sense now and simplifies what i need to do. that is something to feel good about. otherwise i spent half the day in the kitchen cooking for my mom and am looking forward to more time tomorrow thanks to leftovers.

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