28 May 2010

My brain sort of crashed yesterday but I got a small amount of outlining accomplished and will try to add more analysis and another section today. I am so slow. I try to focus on the concrete progress rather than panic and berate myself.

I've been taking more medication. Being around people who weren't immediate family was becoming stressful because I was so distrustful but my primary reasoning was what it always is, that my brain seemed to work better after the second dose. It gave me a little more distance, so I wasn't so absorbed in details. I'm more deliberate. The nervous energy that makes me move faster has been flattened out, my body feels heavy and muscles are stiff. Stretching used to be so pleasurable; now it is frustrating. The trade seems roughly proportional.

I've been drinking green tea for the antioxidants, to counteract the carcinogenic, hormone-unbalancing medicine. My nurse points out indirectly how sick the whole world seems, how toxic, exhaust fumes everywhere. This is paranoia with its attention turned to something real.

2 comments:

boris said...

i find your writing amazing, i thank soren lorenson for inadvertently guiding me to you.

wrenna said...

You are very kind Boris.