30 November 2010

My British psychiatric nurse thinks that I am unnecessarily unkind to myself. For instance, from the moment I get up I know that I will make a cup of coffee and drink it, all the while thinking how lazy I am that I am not already working. All day I will think how my work is not good enough, and then at night I lie in bed and have a panic because it never ends, and never is enough. Etcetera. I feel as if this state isn't entirely my own doing. I feel like I give people the impression that I am more capable than I am. I feel like this goes so far that I am unable to get useful feedback from these people. In this case my professors. And then I blame myself for not working hard enough. I will now remind myself that I worked to the point of psychic collapse and it still was not enough, and that literally half the people in each of my classes have reached the point of it seeming useless to show up.

2 comments:

Factory Supervisor said...

It will never end, it never does, and it never is enough..
And as long as you keep this in mind, you will keep pushing forward.

Or.

Switch on the TV, eat a microwave meal...

Whatever the fuck it is I do, whatever the fuck it is that you do..
keep on doing it.

The world is full of drones.

You are not one, sorry, you just have to keep working..

You're worth more.

wrenna said...

Thank you Mr Supervisor.