11 December 2010

My mom has some of the same incomprehensible psychological knots as my sister. A tendency to become emotionally enmeshed in other people and situations, an inability to see their problems as affecting other people, a complete physiological shutting down if asked to talk about their treatment, a victim mentality, very public withdrawals. I can write them sympathetically but the limits of what I can give to them come up all of the time. In their absence, over breakfast with my mom, watching me go crazy, my dad has over the past couple years become noticeably more nurturing, more emotionally present. His affection feels real. He bakes banana bread. He tells me to be generous and not to judge anyone else from my place. I always worry about him getting home safe.

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