30 June 2012

My aunt Sally and I had a good chat after my late afternoon play date with Nicholas. She invited me to come over anytime, including after my work at the archives. You don't get much more 'in" with the cool kids and their million dollar ocean view homes than this, kids. We split a bottle of wine and talked about interpersonal boundaries. It fed my soul.

29 June 2012

I have fallen in love with a kitten who hopped up in my lap and attracted all the other adult cats to her lair. She was tiny, black and white, and as I gently stroked her she stretched and curled up and I could feel her belly rumbling with a purr. I wish I was allowed one more cat; a lap cat who gets along well with other cats.

28 June 2012

I am inheriting an four-poster antique mahogany bed from my aunt. Her parents bought it when they got married. As I remember, it is small, and if I can talk her into it, there may be a feather bed involved.
My book came, making a dishonest woman of me.

26 June 2012

The volunteer coordinator for the cat rescue society I work for speaks German. She offered to help me practice at her house. Mostly she spoke simply as I have no confidence in my German, and after a while some words came and I could imitate her a little. Her teenage daughters are like cats, beautiful and very much full of uptight attitude. At the end she got one of them to let me see the kitten she is taking care of. He hissed at the dog (a big bulldog who practically gave me a bath) and then he hissed at me because he was scared, but then he settled down and soon he was looking to make daring escapes from the kitchen table.
I am making $8 on this refund.

25 June 2012

Alibris has declared my order of A Chinese Bestiary lost and refunded me. Which is good, because that book costs almost a hundred dollars, but bad, because I would still like it. It contains creatures that we would now consider imaginary, but were considered real in shamanic cultures of 4th-1st c. BCE somewhere in the area we now refer to as China. I was surprised by the ease with which Alibris refunded me. I don't order a ton of stuff from them but when I do it seems to take a long time to get to me. I wonder if it still might be coming. Has this ever happened to anyone else?
The dog seems to be feeling better today... she went for a second walk with me this morning.

24 June 2012

I officially did not get the job.

22 June 2012

No word, still, from the Museum of Anthropology. I feel better about my own shortcomings because they were unable to behave competently and get a decision by the deadline, which was two days ago. I heard from the archives and they will be taking volunteers in August or September. They asked me if I was still interested and I said yes.

21 June 2012

I dreamed it was Christmas and we were eating cookies around the table. One very old cookie that had been around since my childhood was broken open and I tasted it. It was really good but I didn't want to destroy what was left. My sister had a dog and I ran through the house taking pictures of it with a very expensive camera belonging to my mom. Also my sister was skinny and had a haircut that involved part of one side of her head being cut really short.

It seems like my dream life is pretty benign, and revolves around having more fun than I do in my regular day to day existence. I have Carl Jung's enormous Red Book out of the library (29.8cm x 39.5 cm). It looks positively hallucinatory.

19 June 2012

I kicked my laziness to the curb and took a walk in the bog this afternoon. No panic this evening. I credit the tiny magical blueberries. And velocity. It's tough being a size zero, you never want to walk anywhere.
I dreamed I was babysitting and there was a water slide in the middle of the house beside the staircase. We climbed up the water slide.

Then I got snuggle bombed by the real life cat.

18 June 2012

What did I ever do before I had a cat who can put himself to sleep in the morning pretty much on demand, in order to snuggle with me longer? This morning I was reading Roland Barthes' The Pleasure of the Text for my Anne Carson paper and it was definitely pleasurable.
I have run out of space for books and clothes. Luckily it's all okay because I found Ben Ketchor's The Cardboard Valise and got to throw away some German flash cards.

17 June 2012

My friendships tend to end in clashes over fundamental beliefs. This one hasn't yet.
The dog is not well.
I wanted to shove Foucault down her throat. Violently so. Instead I thanked her for the conversation.
I just told a friend who wants to be a counselor I think her approach to relationships is highly medicalized. I was encouraged to do so by my psychiatrist. The friend said she doesn't think of therapy as medicine. The conversation has hit a long pause.

16 June 2012

Trying to sort out career prospects is stressful. I feel like a chicken with my head cut off. What had been confined to a dark corner of my psyche is suddenly out in the open.
My mom is supportive of me taking more classes to improve my chances of getting in to grad school but emphasized the importance of getting some work experience in the field of libraries before making that call. I am now obsessed with getting to the career center and writing good cover letters.

15 June 2012

Just got a reply from my interviewer. She found my post-interview response "very interesting" and forwarded it to the other interviewer. Wheee! I did manage to interest them! I can do interviews on paper after the fact!

14 June 2012

I was checking out library studies classes and yes, I can get excited about indexing, bibliography, and academic libraries. I also get excited about doing research of my own. I don't get excited about teaching but I see how my favourite prof does it and reap the benefits. If I wasn't so old and hadn't dragged my transcript through getting sick it would be an easy call to do both.


I used to be the first one in to see the shelter cats on Thursday mornings. Now there is an older man with an anxiety disorder who comes in at 8 am, snuggles all the cats and feeds them too much wet food before I get there. On top of this he gets paid. Today they napped through my whole shift. Luckily my favourite one spent the latter part of my morning napping in my lap, otherwise I would have been utterly despondent.

13 June 2012

Brain fuzz from all of the avoidant creative reading I have done today.

12 June 2012

I wrote a thank-you note to my interviewer, including a few paragraphs on how I should have answered her very first question. Um. Fingers crossed.
I think I will be able to reconstruct a Kwakwaka'waka context for storytelling (based in recognition) to match my British-Canadian context for history and fiction receiving (based in sympathy on the part of Ronald Campbell Johnson, who wrote down the stories, and on a sense of vulnerability and the politics of suffrage, on the part of his wife Amy to whom the stories were told).
The dog has begun refusing morning walks. The cat, however, would like to pick up the slack.
My professor and I agree that Anne Carson's work refining her style, as evidenced in her picking out some good sentences and completely reworking her thesis into Eros the Bittersweet is inspiring. In the thesis I have on microfiche she is most definitely a student, albeit one with a taste for history of the senses, which is now thirty years later hitting its stride as a fashionable thing to study. But her style, her inimitable way with words that makes everything she says so fresh is I think an appropriation of Aristotle's thought on metaphor, which, as he theorizes it, demands liveliness. It is an inspiration to take what seems most cool from a source and polish it up to look its best.

11 June 2012

Ugh. Was not able to engage the two retired ladies interviewing me. I doubt I'll get the job. Last hope is that the curator reads my application, is hip to contemporary research and the situation at the museum that formerly employed me, and checks my references. It sounds like a dreamy place to work.

10 June 2012

Nervous to the extreme about my interview tomorrow. Have been thinking about all my faults and am horrified about how it's all going to look. I am apprehensive about the amount of work it would involve if I got it.
I would like the entire library of Zone Books. Then I would like to write a book worthy of the Zone imprint.

09 June 2012

Got out for a walk and picked up my library books. Tomorrow I will read over my writing from my two Chinese history classes (2 and 3 years ago!) to prepare for my interview.

08 June 2012

Thesis microfiche order 2.0 has arrived! Will be off to collect it tomorrow. Today is all about Nuuchahnulth worldview in the context of indigenous epistemologies worldwide, first because the last time I worked at a museum I corresponded with the author and he told me he wanted his rattles back (they were not repatriated and sadly sit on a shelf), second because I figured I needed a primer on indigenous studies in preparation for my interview on Monday, and third because I am trying to understand the context in which Kwakwaka'waka stories were told to my research subject Amy Campbell Johnston for that old project which is on hold. Stories are not my thing, philosophy is my thing, and if I can approximate the tacit content of her experience by making a connection of my own maybe it will help.

07 June 2012

Still don't feel good. It's been a week. I need to get some exercise but I've been lazy. It's all my fault!

06 June 2012

I love it when my cat sleeps on my bed. We took a nap together earlier but he is back again right now.
I have just received a Chinese encyclopedia of dreams from 1562.

04 June 2012

I am applying for a volunteer job researching anthropological artifacts from obscure parts of the world. I had a panic attack about this, but the professor for whom I am writing the paper is supportive. She is very good at applying for things, so I immediately felt better when she agreed to be a reference. My former supervisor at the other museum also agreed to be a reference, which is great, because the last person I volunteered with didn't like me as much. Now I have to beat a whole bunch of people who want to be anthropologists! The process so far has been very stressful. I am not feeling so hot.

02 June 2012

Despite a dance with some historiographical hot spots, Carolyn Steedman is at bottom a social historian, which is boring.

Instead I'm going to read about commonplace books in Georgian England (1714-1830). I have been drawn to eighteenth century history before, who knows, it could be good.

01 June 2012

Anne Carson's book Antigonick arrived in the mail this morning and I read it all. It is a beautiful object, hand lettered on one side of the page only, with interleaved illustrations on translucent paper. I had to resist the urge I have with all comic books, to immediately send it back from whence it came for a full refund. It turns out I am on a bit of a reading binge. I have been doing 'silent reading' in between bouts of work and it has been very enjoyable. I absorbed some more Grafton and am on to Carolyn Steedman's Dust.