30 July 2012

News report says that Holmes' doctor was disciplined (i.e. temporarily lost her license) for inappropriately dispensing medications and unprofessional conduct.
My professor had very minimal comments to make on my paper. I haven't had the stomach to re-read it and consider whether it was actually good, but my feeling was that I could take it farther. We'll see. I have to write a little something in German right now.

28 July 2012

Metta showed me pictures of a chicken and her 12 chicks, roosters sitting on his scooter, and a monkey holding her baby in her right arm. I was charmed.
My English student taught me another phrase in Chinese: Zhou jian (Hello). This combines with Xiexie (csi csi - thank you) to complete my Chinese vocabulary. Chinese is kind of awesome. However ancient Greek is kind of awesome too.

Also, Sean, if you would like some of the "cooling" Beautiful Lady tea Metta has supplied a package that I can mail to you.

27 July 2012

So James Holmes, the Batman shooter, was seeing a psychiatrist. Epic fail. The New York Times reports that she was director of his school's student health program (the one at my school was terrible) and had an interest in the neurobiology of schizophrenia.

26 July 2012

My cat now watches the news. [snuggle snuggle]
Woot woot! My professor is traveling with family but has received my draft. She will respond by Sunday, superstar that she is.
My nurse case worker figured out why I am waking up at 5am: the light and birds in the summery morning sky. I've got to pull the blinds.
Today I stopped to buy some celery leaves on my way home from my appointment with my psychiatrist. I ran into my former boss's sister Emily in the vegetable section. She asked me if I had time to practice English with her. Her English is severely limited. We spoke very briefly about my work with the cats. I am reading Gloria AnzaldĂșa's Boarderlands right now, on high alert for the oppressions of immigrant women. You know I'm going to phone her up and make time to drink tea with her next week.

startled looking feline jumper. unfortunately she looked startled in all the photos I took. her beauty is marred by being trapped in this little place, unable to control the conditions on which she gets out.

25 July 2012

My mom cried. Not tears of joy, as might have been hoped, but tears of frustration for "the years [I] have tortured [myself]." She later apologized, having cried some more, and feels like a crappy mother. I'm doing my best folks, and this is about as good as it gets.
Done the conclusion! It has now been sent away for revisions.
Just kidding! It was like I had one self procrastinating on my blog while another self wrote. I'm down to my conclusion.
I am right at the very last part of section 1 that I need to write before I send it off for reviewing. I am not excited. I am reading A Chinese Bestiary.

24 July 2012

My Jungpana estate darjeeling first flush arrived this morning with Iban the postman, sewn up in a muslin bag, sealed with red wax and hand-lettered in black ink. What a treat: the romance of it all. The tea inside was vacuum packed to keep it fresh, and I got samples of other second-flush teas from the Darjeeling region. Now I can taste the mountain air!

23 July 2012

I want someone to drink Shandys with at the Irish Heather.
I took my cat to the vet today for his follow-up appointment. He really didn't want to go and meowed extra loudly in the car. We thought he'd peed his towel, he was so upset. As it turned out, the vet declared his paw 100% healed, checked his sore teeth, and let him go. Bo hid under a chair, and was happy to hop back in his kennel. On the way home he was so relieved that he barely meowed. He is now sitting beside me on the couch. Success for the psychological benefits of vet-revisiting and one very good cat.

22 July 2012

I have been writing for hours on end and it has been going reasonably well, but I need a break to do something reasonably mindless.
I come home from teaching my English student and am so calm. I don't know if it's the mysterious Chinese herbal tea he makes me, the process of reading aloud, or his good humour, but it's working for me. Then I go home and get caffeinated.

21 July 2012

Curious to know whether my friend Tippy the jumping cat has any immanent travel plans.

19 July 2012

Just ordered all the Gilmore Girls I could want for CHEAP on Amazon. Next up is ordering all the Deadwood I could want for CHEAP. The US Postal Service is fast compared to Canada's. The boarder causes a logjam but in this case the items can't be shipped over the boarder, so it's just pickup that's an issue.
I have been scanning the postings for a job at my university library. But. There is a volunteer job scanning materials to do with obstetrics and gynecology that has jumped out at me. I need the money.
An artist's self-portrait while on various drugs.  I am on what he calls Klonopin and Geodon.

18 July 2012

Just figured out I could do a minor in philosophy. Wondering if I could hack it. I have succeeded with flying colours in the past but when my illness intervenes (the last time I tried) it all goes blank. Doing this would give my remedial year an injection of intellectual interest. And history and philosophy of science is where my focus has been. It's a more realistic area to focus a MA in than Chinese history, that's for sure. Although China is more charming than an outsider could ever fathom. I read Chinese history books for fun, and I never read European history books for fun.
I was unable to entertain my mother so she has fled. I have no one to take my cat to his free vet visit, pick up my Gilmore Girls DVD's at my mailbox across the boarder, or go swimming in the ocean with. Heavy writing time on the horizon.
We had to stop the antibiotics because the cat wasn't eating or drinking. Two days later he's back to normal, with no swelling at the site of his sixth toe.

17 July 2012

panic attack.
The lady who runs the cat rescue society I work for and adopted my cat from says that if I get the teeth removed through her it will cost around $150. I am wondering how safe that would be.

16 July 2012

I need to save up $2000 to pay to have most of my cat's teeth extracted because of chronic gingivitis. His body reacts to his own tartar. I feel horrible doing it to him.
Pirate-themed birthday party.

15 July 2012

Blogging the lost: 1 bottle of tea coloured ink last seen at Christmas and a card from a friend, tucked in its envelope yesterday.

After looking in all of the spots I can think of, I am prepared to say, nothing that can't be replaced.
I bought my cousin tiny music boxes that play Beatles songs for his fifth birthday. He calls them "the bugs band." I look at all of his boxes and boxes of toys and have no idea what would be cool in his eyes.
I have a short term job, sort of, helping the Thai man practice his pronunciation. This morning we read Buddhist scriptures, which are actually not bad for practicing on because there is a lot of repetition, and he told me about how everyone can become a Buddha. He kept my cup of tea full (I have no idea what it was but he said it was cooling and good for women) and talked about the meditation retreat he is going on. He is super psyched about meditation from 4:30am to 9:30pm, with breaks for walking and qi gong and helping prepare vegetarian food. He paid up front and sent me off with all kinds of tea and a banana. Teaching English must be some kind of right of passage in this part of the world.

14 July 2012

Today down by the docks by the public market I fed a small brown bird from my fingers. I bought phosphorescent ink by J. Herbin and a card to send to my friend Mary. The glow is magical in a dim hallway, I remember it from the ocean on the Sunshine Coast. Also, since the stove timer is failing and no longer shows up on the digital screen, I bought a perfect tea timer and thermometer. Small things of great pleasure.

13 July 2012

Never been so happy to see a cat with five toes (sorry ragdolls [they have 6 naturally]).
The sixth toe turned out to be a scab over a sore 1 cm in diameter. We have antibiotics. The visit cost a manageable $112. So proud of my cat's good behavior.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I just... I woke up at 5 am, made coffee and got back in bed, and my cat (sorry) came and fell asleep in my arms and then I fell asleep too and then it was raining and sunshine at the same time when I woke up and it looked like my cat had a sixth toe.

12 July 2012

Also at the shelter... an orange tabby kitten with one olive green eye and one sky blue one.
Today at the shelter one of the cats tried to escape through the ceiling panels. I have no idea where she would have gotten to, but the pet store is enormous. At the last moment I jumped up from the chair I was standing on to the countertop and grabbed her hind leg. I have large gashes across my left arm to show of the battle. She is a maine coon tortoise shell cat with the most beautiful face. Shows of spunk pull at my heart. I wish I could have her over to my house for a couple weeks.
My cat has a lump on one of his front toes. The fur is missing and it looks a little crusty. I am hoping against hope it is a terrible bug bite, but it doesn't seem to be bothering him which suggests the worst. I am worried about financial calamity.

11 July 2012

Had a mind blowing experience at the library today: you can make a PDF from microfiche.
My silk underthings that don't stretch at all are still the most comfortable underthings I own.
My mother's Visa PIN is my sister's birthday. Should I feel left out?
Lately I've been questioning whether I have taste at all.
Today in the morning heat I met a man at the bus stop wearing a long robe and a toque. With a traveler's enthusiasm he introduced himself as from Thailand and explained that he is studying English and looking for a book on grammar. He also invited me on the meditation retreat he is going to on the Sunshine Coast (traveller's enthusiasm and Thai kindness). I was won over when he said I looked sixteen or seventeen, though. On the way home from the library I met him again. He wanted to practice his pronunciation, so whipped out a book of Buddhist sutras in Chinese with facing English and we went for it. Too bad all of the key concepts were just transliterated. I was trying to explain that we pronounce the letters at the end of words, so he ended up spitting out some very hard D's, as their own syllable. On the bus he reached into his bag and pulled out four Activia yogurts, telling me they are good for eyes. The actual yogurt or the blueberries in it, I wonder. In any case, Activia makes me constipated but for the life of me I could not give them back. Asian medicine and philosophy, however, as intellectual queries, are pretty much right up my ally these days.

10 July 2012

I'm sorry for the shrillness around these parts of late.
German today with the sweet cat lady, who at the moment is caring for a giant bulldog who licks me all over. I have done better this week at studying and compiling a vocabulary list. The lady lives in an area with a park that has big yellow signs warning of "a high level of beaver activity." This is funny, or will be, until I have to outrun a falling tree.

09 July 2012

My mother's articulated self-awareness improves as her medication reduction leaves her feeling various degrees of shitty.

07 July 2012

My mother reminds me of my cat, who has a tiny prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for planning and control), and therefore is prone to getting stuck in mental ruts. Her mental ruts are likely anxiety induced short circuiting.
I've been waking up at 5 am, having gotten a decent night's sleep since I get knocked out by my medicine very early. The extra hours in the day would be nice if I weren't finding consciousness itself somewhat dull and painful. I don't feel like working at all when I wake up at 5 am and gradually the procrastination gets to me. It's only barely afternoon now and I've already put in a solid day's worth of procrastination. I am going to have to put in a day's work now too.

... or not: I took a nap. Know what helps? Blog comments.
Other than that glaring fact the conversation went very well.
oh my god my mom doesn't even know what symptoms of bipolar she has.
Put the skirt on my bed, which is absolutely too large for my bedroom. Don't tell my sister or cousins, who I out-zoomed with my typing fingers to close the deal.

06 July 2012

I ordered my Darjeeling Jungpana First Flush 2012 this morning, along with samples of other muscatel Darjeelings. It tastes like mountain air; it's blissful. Tea pickers carry it down from a unique microclimate in the mountains in wooden boxes, which impart their flavour on the flowery tea. I got a steep discount ($10 off per 100g) by ordering a year's supply (500g). Hopefully my tea will arrive in three or four weeks when my mother has gone on vacation and is not around to give me shit about spending my money on tea.
Thanks to a fortuitous browse at the second hand book shop where I had my credits, I found George W. Stocking's book Victorian Anthropology, on the multiple contexts for the formation of the discipline. I take Stocking to be a pretty good source as my university library has two copies of this book, and fifteen other listings for him. While searching for them I found two others that look useful: Romantic Motives: essays on anthropological sensibility and Learned Societies and the Evolution of the Disciplines. For a project I'm not officially working on this one is going very well.
I set up my bed this morning by myself.
This was no small feat, as there was only room to stand the mattress and box spring on their sides leaned up against my dresser next to the bed, with only vertical room for maneuvering. I managed it moving only my nightstand. I think I might like new bedding now,  because the dog has clawed up my quilt, but blue and purple is so soothing and not over the top feminine. Here is a bedpost and a cat chair:
My bed is enormously high. I think I might need a step up, as well as a bigger bedroom so that it can be fully appreciated from all angles. I expect that it will be good for reading in. High beds seem to be better that way.

04 July 2012

My mom says my new old bed is "the nicest frickin piece of furniture in the house."
I felt very disciplined working at the library today. I made notes from a book that had to be returned, and that may only act as guideposts for further research for the project on Kwakwaka'waka totem poles that I've put on hold. At lunch I headed out to buy lettuces from stands set up by the university farm and encountered a drain on the second floor above ground level splashing water up into the bathroom. Loudly. I left and puzzled over whether or not Roland Barthes' The Pleasure of the Text fits into my reading of Anne Carson's treatise on love. I felt ill from drinking an actual real latte in the morning. Oh the pain I suffer for the deliciouness of a perfectly made cup of coffee. Pleasure requires an edge, Barthes says, and Carson titles several key sections with edges. I think that's all.

03 July 2012

My mother has an awful headache. Her psychiatrist is trying to wean her off of her antidepressant and replace it with mood stabilizers. I think this is a terrible idea - my mom is depressed and anxious as a result, she doesn't need medications that will dampen her intellect when she is already perpetually distracted. She grew up in a very negative house, leading to persistently critical thought patterns about stuff you can do nothing about. I don't think that has anything to do with mood swings. I feel stuck because nothing in the past 15 years has worked, and to me she seems to have gotten more unstable since going on mood stabilizers.
My brain is tired from practicing German.

02 July 2012

My cat remembered that he likes me. We listened to the birds together at 4 am.
received an e-card from my aunt Sally:

Figures I would make my cousin apologize for a game of pretend gone awry.