30 December 2012

My quinces turned from peachy cloudy juice into bright red jelly underneath a cloud of boiling pink. It was pretty fantastic to watch.
I am trying to restrain myself from the boxing day shopping but it is just so hard and so distracting. I am a bad, bad consumer.
I found jars, lids and a recipe so am making quince jelly today. They looked a little oxidized inside but I am hoping it will work out. The big question is whether or not to add star anise.

29 December 2012

I have spent a lot of waking up time during the last few days watching my cat make blissed out faces as I give him a little snuggle.

26 December 2012

I'm reading Keith Richards' autobiography, the first truly fun book I've had in my possession within memory. Do I need to go into why being rock star and doing heroin in 1969 is a way more entertaining ride than reading about the guy who sat beside someone self-medicating depression and stomach pain with heroin in 1992?
I found out that the foul, musty odor emanating from my sister is called Namaste and is her "happy smell." It is composed of essential oils, probably collected from the bodies of decomposing hippies.
The aunt who married my dad's brother has loud, annoying, insecure friends. I went upstairs after dinner and too a nap. I could not do it.
The library fucked up and didn't discharge the recalled book I returned on the twentieth. Now I have to wait for January third for it to open again and receive my distress call, distressed because my 140 books are due on the second and can't be renewed until that book gets returned.

25 December 2012

My aunt did appetizers with prosecco before Christmas Eve dinner. It was elegant to the extreme.
I got a feather bed for Christmas. My cat has rarely been so cosy. It is like a cocoon.

24 December 2012

Fighting through my Mac's quirks, such as a reluctance to recognize blank cd's, make me feel closer to it, almost as though it were a partially sentient being.
This morning I found quinces at the market. I want to make jelly and eat it with cheese. I don't even know if people do that.

23 December 2012

After procrastinating and not studying and writing only half the suggested amount on half the questions thinking I was barely squeaking by I got a 72 on my final exam. Not my proudest moment but it'll do. My grade is not trashed before the papers have been written. By that I mean I can still get an A- in the class if my papers are very good. The last time I had to write an exam was years ago. I had just gone off my medication, couldn't remember much and couldn't answer most of the questions. Usually in this type of situation I would fail.

22 December 2012

My cat used to break into his food bag when he was hungry, leaving the food to get stale, so I moved it into ziplock bags in my drawers. Now when he gets hungry he starts shredding my bank statements.

21 December 2012

The side panel of my mom's car was peeled away back to the passenger's side door, which is jammed. Also hit: the bumper, headlight, hood and wheel. The suspension was probably damaged. It probably won't get fixed.
Took my mom's dog for a run through the frosty, sleety moor.

20 December 2012

Sent my psychiatrist and nurse clinician off with cards and tea today. They were happy. They are tea drinkers. Wish I'd known! There could have been way more tea in their stockings over the years.

I'd never had occasion to "like" my psychiatrist much apart from the fact that she did her job causing relatively little annoyance to me (aside from the time she referred me to a sex offender, and also to a place where the doctor raised the dose on a medication that me made me lactate and then gave me another medication known for side effects so severe I think prescribing it should be counted as assault). However I did have a small occasion to like her as she relaxed a bit and provided this tiny bit of personal information at our last meeting as doctor and patient.
My mom was in a car accident. Police were called. She's not working and her car was old, so she's probably feeling pretty screwed. Probably not a good idea for the first question when she walks in the door: were you at fault?

*My mom is at the hospital. she's getting her shoulder checked out. She had a preexisting pain in her shoulder. My dad is going to get her.

*My dad says my mom said she got hit but it was the front end of the car that was damaged.

*My mom is coming home now.

*My mom got cut off by some 70-year old schmuck. She wants to cry because her car may not make it.

19 December 2012

My borscht is not turning out. I don't want to have to eat it.
The Christian Science Monitor, of all publications, comes through on our "family values" agenda to curb violence brought on by untreated mental disturbance.
Apparently working in search engine optimization is a very well-paying career. Could this be an offshoot of indexing? It sounds fun, in theory.
It feels so nice to figure out how to fix my own computer. All I had to do was put in the hardware test CD and press D. It found no errors but my trackpad issues were fixed. A totally beautiful simple and free solution!

18 December 2012

I have given up on doing well on this exam and am just aiming to be able to write something. Terrible times are being had. It goes this afternoon at 3:30.

17 December 2012

Since my sister came to visit the dog has been going crazy on her chew. GO DOG.
Just zapped my steamed milk with sugar-free hazelnut syrup that expired in 2009. I bet if I had the stuff with sugar it'd have grown me a nice batch of crystals.

16 December 2012

Considering how hard everyone I came into contact with came down on me when I was psychotic, and relatively mildly so, I find it unfathomable that people in the US are allowed to go on as long as they seem to be able to acting bat-shit crazy before they wind up killing people.
My history professor from last year asked me if I would like to participate in a small academic conference "Translating Bodies" that she is hosting in March. I think it sounds like fun. My first academic conference!

15 December 2012

Apparently trackpad problems aren't rare on the aluminum Macbooks that first came out. Which sucks, because I'm probably going to have to pay something to have it fixed. Maybe I can bargain with them and have the iPhoto that was never installed thrown in?

13 December 2012

Helped my mom add destressing hypnosis files to her iPod using the most unintuitive interface I have ever met. After that I felt so technologically adept I dug the corroded batteries out of my stereo remote and set the clock to the correct time.
I am so happy sitting here with my cat. I wish I had a chance to ask C. if she were willing to take her dog for longer walks in order to keep him. She'd be doing to him (tiring him out) what she hated doctors for doing to her though.
My mom is pressuring me not to take classes, or to take only one class, in January. She points to my stress levels, and how unpleasant they are to live with. I think I really want to pick up a minor in philosophy, which is three classes. It's three months. I explained to her my desire to change my medication so that I'm not sleeping 12 hours a day before I get a job, and my desire to get a real job with career potential. Being able to go to graduate school one day is a really high priority for me and I don't think she sees that, or sees that taking a full course load is supportive of that. C's parents are always telling her to take on more and just get things done, whereas mine tell me to do less and give up.

11 December 2012

Found that lost piece of original art and my psychological assessment, showing my thoughts being blocked by anxiety. I was really excited to pick Karl Blossfeld prints to go in Ikea frames but my excitement was dampened by the fact that the frames made my thumbs bleed and I had broken the glass   in two of them by kicking them off the wall. Oops.

09 December 2012

I am ready for the writing; I am ready for the fun.

07 December 2012

My mom really really loves going walking with her dog. She all but begs the dog to go for a walk every morning. However the dog has turned on her and refuses to walk. The dog waits for her to leave the house and then comes whining and barking to my door. I get dressed and take her out and find her manners much improved. The dog runs like the wind and leaps over little dips in the ground. She has fun. I feel bad for my mom because even though dogs don't make my heart grow gentle and full of affection the way that cats do seeing the dog have fun is somewhat contagious. I tell the dog she is a good girl when she manages to walk by the other dogs that she is scared of. I would say this whole thing was because the dog can sense my mom's depression, but when my mom first got the dog I had dropped out of school because I was depressed and I was the one who had to take care of her during the day, and the dog would drag me out for two and three long walks every day. I would fight with her, trying to get her to walk where I wanted to go; it was awful. I don't know if she remembers this or how this fits into her canine conception of the universe. I was not full of devotion and the bearer of treats as my mom is.  

06 December 2012

Quiet days have created an absorbing dreamlife... not that I remember much of it.
My mom says that if Prozac doesn't work she's going off all of her medications altogether.

05 December 2012

Talked to C.. She's been having a tough time but is getting just the help from her doctor I would have hoped for so all is well. I had been worried. You, dear readers, are awesome people and your empathy humbles me but there is just something about someone who feels exactly the same way about writing a late paper that motivates me to keep going.
The problem with cross-boarder shopping is that the Canadian mind is easily blown by the selection of cute clothing available. As a sample case, consider with me which pyjamas are cuter: the one on the left or the one on the right, except in dove grey.


Just bought a clean copy of a $100 textbook for 5 bucks on Amazon. American commerce is the most amazing thing to this Canadian.

04 December 2012

The soup maker shared his borscht recipe! It was absolutely no problem. He even demonstrated the kind of brown rice he uses. Now I just have to downsize it from, like, 20lbs of beets and 4 cabbages and a tub of onions. O happy day.

03 December 2012

I had the most delicious hot pink borscht at Granville Island last week. It had rice instead of potatoes, was chunky and vegetarian and above all was hot pink, not deep burgundy and not mixed up with cream. It had celery in it but not carrots. I long to make it at home but am having trouble finding a recipe to start from.